


Lost

by leavemealone212121



Category: Carmilla - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Death, Depression, Doki Doki, Enjoy the pain, F/F, Im warning you, Pain, Plot Twist, Suicide, again are you sure you want to read this, are you sure you want to read this, ok fine whatever, there's no carm x laura in this fic, why are you still here, your choice not mine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-04-20 11:08:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 3,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14259651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leavemealone212121/pseuds/leavemealone212121
Summary: This chapter basically covers the setting and what's already happened. By the way, this ENTIRE work is in Laura's POV. Sorry for the short chapter...





	1. Preface

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter basically covers the setting and what's already happened. By the way, this ENTIRE work is in Laura's POV. Sorry for the short chapter...

It's my fourth year at Silas University. I do NOT want another big battle of doom to happen like they did during my first 3 years. Those were absolute nightmares that I do NOT want to live through EVER AGAIN. In fact, I don't even wanna talk about them right now.

Anyways, enough about that. As if those battles weren't enough, I have relationship drama to add onto that. Ever since middle school, I know Carmilla Karnstein has had a crush on me. To be honest, she was playing it quite cool, but I know that on the inside, she's basically screaming like a fangirl at a Justin Bieber concert. The person I liked, however, was Danny Lawrence. I mean, LOOK AT HER. Fiery auburn hair, tall stature, amazing boobs, amazing ass--wait, I'm going too far. But you get the idea; I think she's amazing. But there's like a 1% chance she likes me back.

As if THAT wasn't enough, my dad suffers from leukemia. It started at the end of third year, and has been gradually getting worse. Those treatments are expensive, and my dad doesn't seem like he's gonna recover from it anytime soon. 

I think you've heard about enough of my problems, anyway. It's not like it's gonna magically solve itself. Whatever. I don't really care about most of my problems, except for my dad having leukemia and being on the brink of death.


	2. The First Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is basically where the story starts.

Of course, it's the first day of university. The day I've been dreading most of all. Gah, I can't wait to meet everyone and talk to them and socialize. I'm gonna be stuck with a crappy roommate, crappy teachers, crappy friends and a crappy life. Jeez. Why does life have to be so... table-turning? It can be epic one second and be betraying you the next.

But enough about my problems... again.

Like I said before, I was gonna be stuck with a crappy class. And I am. I'm stuck with EVERY SINGLE DAMN TROUBLEMAKER IN THE WHOLE FUCKING UNIVERSITY. I was stuck with stupid obsessive Carmilla. But I was also stuck with... Danny Lawrence. Danny, the love of my life. Danny, the only person in the entire world who was practically perfect in every single way imaginable. Danny, the only person kind to me in my eye. Oh jeez, I'm going too far on this. Whatever.

I also got stuck with the worst roommate of all time. CARMILLA. Of all the people in the world, CARMILLA HAD TO BE MY ROOMMATE. Ugh. Why couldn't it have been Danny? Heck, I wouldn't even mind sharing a room with a tarantula. But Carmilla? Just.. no. As soon as we settle in, Carmilla has a gallon of "milk" that she stores into the fridge.

"What the fuck are you gonna do with that blood?" I ask her.

"Drink it, duh. What else do you expect me to do with it,  _donate it to a blood bank?_ "

"Uh--my dad has leukemia, so..."

"What I'm gonna do next depends on the answer to this question."

"Go ahead,"

"What type of blood does your dad have?"

"B negative,"

Carmilla spits out the blood already in her mouth. "WHAT?!"

"Huh?"

"This IS B negative blood, dummy! We gotta get this in... and fast."

***

"Well, that lady is picky as FUCK. She wouldn't accept a whole gallon of B negative blood because it was in a milk gallon, and she thinks I took a sip from it. Which I didn't. I truthfully told her, and yet she STILL DIDN'T BELIEVE ME." Carmilla groans.

"Not to be rude, but you have to have legitimate proof that you didn't drink from it. To be honest, you don't really look like the most trustworthy person, so..."

"Your opinion isn't important right now, anyway. UGH."

It was past 12 at that point, so I tucked in for the night. I don't wanna know what the heck Carmilla was doing when I went to sleep, because it sounded disturbing as FUCK.


	3. Epic and Terrible

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I couldn't post yesterday...I had a lot of homework to do.

The days went by. It's November right now, and to be honest, nothing much has really happened so far.

First period started without a hitch. Class went on like normal. Ugh, I was SO BORED I COULD WATCH PAINT DRY AS ENTERTAINMENT.

Just as the bell rung and I headed into the hallway, I saw the love of my life approach me. Butterflies erupt in my stomach.  _What do I say to her? Should I tell her? Or should I just play it cool? Ugh, I don't know what to do!!_

"Hey, uh, I was just wondering if, um, you'd like to give your phone number to me." Danny tells this to me without a hint of nervousness or hesitation in her voice.

_OH MY GOSH, OH MY GOSH, SHE ASKED ME FOR MY NUMBER!! Okay, HIDE THE EXCITEMENT. Play it cool and act as if one of the best moments in your life didn't just happen._

"Uh, yeah, sure, no problem." We exchange numbers and add them to our contacts so we don't forget. For the rest of the day, i was so happy I could burst out right then and there. But knowing when and when not to burst, I (magically enough) managed to keep a tight lid on my excitement.

As soon as class ends, my head is buried into my phone. Somehow, I could navigate my way into the dorm without bumping into anyone or anything or embarrassing myself. I enter the room with my head still buried into my phone.

"Whatchu doin'?" Carmilla asks me.

"Nothing."

"If it was nothing, creampuff, then why are you still looking at your phone?"

"Okay, fine--I got Danny's phone number. Anything wrong with that?"

"What's the big deal about her anyway? Do you SERIOUSLY LIKE HER?!"

"Um...yeah."

"DANNY LAWRENCE RUINED MY ENTIRE. FUCKING. LIFE."

"What'd she do?"

"No time to explain. Now go text her or do whatever the fuck you want."

A pang of guilt surged through me. But no time to contemplate that, because I had to text Danny.

 

**Laura** : hey

**Danny** : sup

**Danny** : so..this is y i asked for ur number

**Danny** : umm.. i rlly rlly like u

**Danny** : *blushing emoji*

**Laura** : danny the thing is

**Laura** : i like u 2

**Danny** : so were do u wanna go

**Laura** : fo wut

**Danny** : our 1st date dumbass

**Laura** : oh

**Laura** : umm.. ill have 2 think bout it

**Laura** : gtg carmilla's bugging me

**Danny** : aww man.. bye :(

**Laura** : bye.. :(

 

Carmilla sighs. "Laura.."

"What?"

"Uh.. nevermind. It's too late to say now."

Guilt surges through me. It's too late. I earned Danny's feelings, but I hurt Carmilla's...

 

 

 

 


	4. It's Just Started...

It was Saturday. I check my phone for any texts I might've gotten. I didn't get any texts, but I did have 1 voicemail.  _I wonder if it's from Danny,_ I think to myself. Fortunately and unfortunately, it wasn't. It was from the hospital in which my dad was in at the moment.

_"Laura, this is your father. I'm not feeling very well right now, but 1 thing that can help lift my spirits is you. If you can find the time, could you please come visit the hospital? I'm in room 107. Please come visit. Sincerely, your father."_

I know family comes before friends or relationships, and my dad was in desperate need, so I had no choice, even though the voicemail said I did. I drive to the hospital, check in with the receptionist, and enter room 107

My father's voice is soft yet hoarse. "So, how are your studies going?"

"They're going fine." Just then, my phone buzzes. I continue the conversation nevertheless.

"Have you been hooking up with anyone?"

"Nope.."

"Then I think we're good. Just wait here until a doctor comes in." A couple of hours pass by. A doctor enters the room, and I leave simultaneously. I drive back, and entering the dorm, I check my phone. 4 texts from Danny.

**Danny** : so have u decided yet

**Danny** : well have u

**Danny** : where are u

**Danny** : REPLY TO ME LAURA

I finally reply to her.

**Laura** : i was visiting mah dad @ the hosp so gimme a break

**Danny** : oh..ok

**Danny** : bye

**Laura** : bye..

 

"Carmilla, could you please explain to me why Danny ruined your life?"

"Sure. So..we were dating, alright? And after about 2 weeks or so, she started spreading rumors about me. Nasty ass rumors. Trust me, you'd wince at the sound of them. At the least, everyone hated me and I turned into a fucking loner."

"Oh,"

"Why'd you ask?"

"Just because I was curious."

"OK."

That being said, we just did our own stuff afterwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the time of writing this, I'm going to post 2 more chapters today after this one.


	5. Progress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated in a while... I'm way too lazy... I'm sorry.

It's December by now, and if I'm honest, Danny has been EXTREMELY obsessed with me for the past few days or so. Like, she will text/call me whether I'm showering, sleeping, or in the middle of class (I wonder how she doesn't get her phone taken up). 2 weeks ago, she'd leave me alone if I told her I was busy. But now, if I tell her I'm busy, she'll be like, "Whatever. I DON'T FUCKING CARE.".

The Laura in September would be elated if that happened to her but believe me, obsession will get in the way of everything. EVERYTHING. EVERY. SINGLE. THING. 

Anyways--oh wait, Danny just texted me. AGAIN.

 

 **Danny** : sup im boreeed

 **Laura** : hi bored im laura

 **Danny** : bruhhhh

 **Laura** : XD

\--Laura changes Danny's contact name to 'Bored'--

 **La** **ura** : -sends a screenshot of the chat except all the Dannys turn into Boreds--

\--Laura changes it back to 'Danny'--

 **Danny** : bruh ur evil

 **Laura** : MWAHAHAAHAAAHAAHA

 **Danny** : bye

 **Laura** : bye

 **Laura** : :)

 **Danny** : ill deal with this later

 

"Carmilla,"

"Yeah?"

"Danny's being annoying again,"

Carmilla uses an extremely sarcastic tone. "I wonder what she did now,"

"Can you please tell her to go fuck off?"

"Can you please NOT ask me to do everything for you?"

I sigh and leave her alone.


	6. Crippled

My phone buzzes.  _ Not another text from Danny _ , I think. I check my phone. No texts from Danny. PHEW. But I did have a call from... my dad. I picked it up.

His voice was quaking. "Laura... I'm not okay. These could be my last words to you. If I die today, promise me you will keep passing your classes, won't date anyone, and won't kill yourself." He was about to say something else, but all I heard was a loud drop.

"Dad? Dad, are you still there?! No... it can't be." I hang up the phone reluctantly.

"It can't be. It can't be." I repeat those words over and over. A few hours later, it sunk in. He was... gone. Tears escape my eyes, and I completely break down. Just... you wouldn't know how it feels to lose someone until you've experienced it yourself.

My phone buzzes yet again.  _ Ugh, must be Danny again. That bitch doesn't know what privacy even is.  _ Sure enough, it was Danny.

 

**Danny** : hi...

**Laura** : what do u want

**Danny** : an apology

**Laura** : leave me alone

**Danny** : y

**Laura** : just coz

**Danny** : explain y motherfucker

**Laura** : I'm sorry, you can't reach this number because you have annoyed and invaded the privacy of this person way too much. T-Mobile Services.

**Danny** : before u leave theres one thing i gotta say to u

 **Danny** : i love u so much

 **Laura** : well theres one thing i gotta say to u as well

 **Laura** : i fucking hate u coz u would never leave me alone when i needed to be alone... u were clingy when i never needed it. i hate u and always will hate u

 **Danny** : so be it... were done

 **Laura** : yup we are... now bye :)

 **Danny** : bye :)

 

I stare at my phone. I'm glad it got her off my tail but I was harsher than I intended to be. And I'm happy. I'm glad she won't talk to me anymore. I'm glad I can brood on my own.


	7. Wondering

It's been 2 months since that happened, and it still haunts me. I have flashbacks. In my worst nightmares, my dad disowns me if I even disappoint him in the slightest way possible. No matter what I try to do to keep my mind off his passing, absolutely nothing works. The worst part is, the one person I could go to has abandoned me because stupid fucking me decided it was a good idea to yell at her in a fit of rage.

I knew it was hopeless to go and talk her into being with me again, but I still tried.

 

 **Laura** : hello...

 **Danny** : what do u want

 **Laura** : im so sorry

 **Danny** : for wut

 **Laura** : coz i got mad at u... my dad died when i said that stuff

 **Danny** : well i dont accept ur apology coz that still doesnt give u an excuse to say it 

 **Laura** : i know... im so sorry

 

The conversation ends right there. I knew it wouldn't work, but at least I tried. I decided the next best thing to do was to go talk to Carmilla. 

"Carmilla?"

"Yeah, what do you want?!"

"Can I talk to you about a life issue?"

"Sure, whatever,"

"So... 2 months ago my dad died due to leukemia. Of course, being crippled at the moment, I lashed out at Danny, and now she won't talk to me."

"I lost my mom... and I lost Ell. I've lost way too many people in my life. It's way too many to count. But I don't really care anymore."

"Do you even have a useful word to say?!"

"OF COURSE I DO, YOU IDIOT! I WAS JUST GETTING TO THAT PART!"

"Nevermind, I won't get the advice now that you gave me the worst attitude I've gotten in a long, long time."

"Whatever, I don't care."

"Well, neither do I."

"DON'T TALK TO ME!"

"Okay, jeez,"

We both go our separate ways after that.

If I'm being honest, it was my fault Carmilla lashed out at me because I was far too impatient to listen to a word she had to say. I just lost my last friend, and I'm disappointed in myself. I really was. 


	8. Done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you don't like angst, leave now.

I've been contemplating death for a while now. I've completely lost track of time. It could be May, July, or fucking SEPTEMBER. It could be midnight or midday. It could be Tuesday or Thursday. It's like I'm slowly going insane. I don't even know anymore.

If you've lost someone in your life before and you've seen or heard their death in some form or way, it's an experience that just can't be classified in one way or another. It can't be described in words at all. That feeling was left lingering when my dad left.

I know he said not to kill myself, but he'd want what was best for me, and this is technically the best option for me. I'm the best judge for knowing what's right and wrong for myself.

"Carmilla, I'm leaving. You may never see me again."

"Alright--wait, what did you just say?"

"Nothing!"

I run out the door and find an abandoned skyscraper a few blocks across. Perfect place for me to--you know.

Considering the skyscraper was abandoned, I didn't even need to try to break in. All the doors were left flung open, anyway.

I enter through the back door and find an elevator. I hit the button, but nothing worked. Of course. The building was deserted, so no one was operating the elevator shaft. How stupid of me. I go down the hall, looking for another way to get on top. About 10 minutes later, I find a staircase. Well, it took more effort to go up, but I'd still reach the top no matter what.

About 2 hours later, I finally reach the terrace. I was exhausted because there were more flights to climb than I thought there were, but it was worth the effort. I walk on over to the edge and get ready to jump, but just then, I hear a familiar voice.

"LAURA!"

"Carmilla? What are you doing here?"

"Saving your ass."

"Why? I need to die."

"You don't have to. There are people that care about you in this world."

"Like who?"

"Well, Danny. She still cares even when you told her to fuck off."

"Who else?"

"Me, even though it seems like I hate you. LaF, Perry, I could go on forever."

"No, you wouldn't,"

"Yeah, I would. Look, the point is, you don't have to die just because you feel like it. You're gonna regret this decision once you're up there. I'm not kidding. I'm a 300-year-old vampire who's been through a lot of shit and do you think I'd kill myself for it? No. Even though I'm immortal, I still appreciate life, and so should you."

"Nah, I don't think so. Name 1 thing that's gonna keep me alive."

"I love you. I've loved you since middle school, and that fire has always been burning. It's undying, just like me. Accept or reject it, I don't care. Just let me know what you think."

"I--I don't know what to say." Before Carmilla could say another word, I jump off the edge and land face-first.

I'm still alive. Yeah, a miracle, I know. I realize I have a gun in my purse just in case this failed. I whisk it out and before Carmilla can get to me, I hold it against my temple and pull the trigger.


	9. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this one in Carmilla's POV because... you know.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't a vampire, so the blessing and curse of immortality wouldn't apply to me. I loved Laura. I really did. She's gone now, and I can't do anything about it at all. I miss her way too much. I wish death could be undone. 

Maybe there was a way to undo the fact that you were a vampire. I look for every single trace of blood I could find inside the dorm room. I find 3 gallons of blood in 3 milk containers and 1 cup of it mixed with cereal in a bowl. I take all the blood and dump it into the fireplace.

Suddenly, a ghost appears. It looks extremely familiar... until I realize that was not even a ghost. It was alive. And it was my mom.

"Carmilla... you do realize what you've done, right? You could've fed a thousand vampire babies with that blood. Now it's all gone because of you. There's no one else to blame but you. I'm even more disappointed in you than I was when you were born. I'm turning you into a mortal for what you've done." With that being said, the bite marks on my neck disappear completely. leaving no trace behind.

I was ready to die at that moment. But then, someone else appears.

"You are a failure."

"Who are you?"

"Your worst nightmare." As soon as the girl says that, everything starts glitching like crazy. Suddenly, pixels were everywhere, my vision was scrambled, and my neck slowly bleeds without the use of a weapon.

An evil laugh from her follows, and my limbs start getting dismembered. The process was slow but torturous. After they're off my body, she lifts my shirt and carves something on my stomach. It felt like there was a scalpel on my chest, but there wasn't. I even blinked a few times and checked, but there were no weapons in sight. How was she even doing it?

A final prick into my lady part finally ends the pain. My eyes are open, but I don't have vision. That's when I realize I'm ascending up to Heaven.

**Monika takes over**

The damage had been done. And the best part was that she'd always remember me because I carved "Monika was here :)" onto her chest. But she wouldn't make her ascent to Heaven. Instead, I'll delete this whole world with a single line of code.

*she writes the line and hits enter*

(Everything but her is gone. She's in a void.)

Now I'll have no one to torture but myself. I can't undo anything. *maniacal laughter follows*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I did a terrible job on this, but at least I put it out in the open for the world to see. Let me know what I could've done better.


End file.
